The news yesterday read like a Mad Magazine piece. The only difference is the following snippets of the seemly unreal were lifted from the front headlines of the BBC news.
No spoofing, these real life stories begged for a new byline , so how could I resist? Only the headlines have been cheeky-fied. Should you have better bylines please send'em.
"Woman gives birth to litter of puppies":The medical team had scheduled a Cesarean section for seven babies, but doctors were surprised when an eighth came out."Lo and behold, after we got to Baby G, which is what we expected, we were surprised by Baby H," said Dr Karen Maples.
" 117 Votes Can't be Wrong" Mr. Blagojevich, who is ignoring his impeachment trial and spent Monday in New York on seemingly every television talk show he could find, complains often about this historic Senate trial. Those watching it unfold were befuddled Monday that he refused to show up."Even if he's proven innocent [of the criminal charges], I don't think anyone will trust him to do his job."In contrast to the Senate, the doors to the House chamber stood open and unattended. House lawmakers adjourned after their 117-1 vote to impeach Blagojevich, and other legislative business has been put on hold pending the outcome of the trial. Are you questioning who held out with the one vote not to impeach? His sister in law... Yes some things never change in politics.
"No Smoking, Even After Sex "
In Belmont, Calif., a quiet Silicon Valley city that is now home to perhaps the nation’s strictest antismoking law, effectively outlawing lighting up in all apartment buildings.
"? " I just couldn't pin this one down- but the choice of using the noun forest vs. bush??
“I feel like a pioneer at the edge of a giant forest,” Chivers said, describing her ambition to understand the workings of women’s arousal and desire. “There’s a path leading in, but it isn’t much.” She sees herself, she explained, as part of an emerging “critical mass” of female sexologists starting to make their way into those woods. These researchers and clinicians are consumed by the sexual problem Sigmund Freud posed to one of his female disciples almost a century ago: “The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is, What does a woman want?”
"It’s enough to make you laser off your VW ankle tattoo."
Brand loyalists love VW, at least in part, because of this authenticity. And here comes a minivan — a minivan! — draped in the mantle of deceit. The 2009 Routan isn’t engineered by Germans, unless you count the ones who used to work for DaimlerChrysler. It is merely a rebadged, slightly rebodied, mildly retuned Chrysler minivan.
" Still Has Communion Money"
Netflix, one of the biggest buyers of online advertising, couldn't find discounted Web ads as of the end of 2008. What does this say about the presumed slump in online advertising? " Boohoo- Is this why they support nothing locally, Cheapskates ?"[AllThingsD]
...now go on, have at... a few new bylines would brighten my day.